Come Back for Me Page 15

  He isn’t going to fall at my feet and apologize. We’re serving him with divorce papers, I’m not at his precious house keeping things the way he wants them. Not to mention I haven’t even checked on the farm. For all I know, the workers are stealing cows, and I don’t care.

  What I do care about is my and Hadley’s safety. So, yes, I’m worried.

  “Everything. But what if they don’t believe the evidence?”

  Nate and Sydney share a glance, and then Nathan speaks. “I can’t control the way it goes, God knows I wish I could. What I can do is present the truth in the best way I know how. I’ll paint the picture and hope they see it. That’s why we’re going to have a lot of these talks and a lot of rehashing things. I have four months to build a case.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that they might not believe me.”

  Sydney breaks in, gripping my hand in hers. “Your story doesn’t change based on the ending. There is nothing we can do but tell the truth, Ellie. You’re a strong, beautiful woman who has been through hell. You did what you needed to do for Hadley. You showed her what strength and courage looks like. The verdict doesn’t change that. We have a few months to prepare for all of this, so if he is cleared of charges, we’ll have a plan in place to keep you safe.”

  A tear falls down my face because those words from her mean everything. I don’t know that I’ll ever believe them, though. For so long, I thought my truth didn’t matter. I saw myself as weak and stupid. No matter what others have said about me, I thought I deserved it.

  I knew better than to marry him.

  Hell, I slept with another man the night before I married him because a part of me wanted an out. I was too weak to take it.

  I got up, got dressed, and left without taking the chance on Connor.

  Now look at me.

  My fingers swipe at the tears that continue to fall. “I’m so scared.”

  “I know you are, but you’re so brave.”

  “It’s not just that . . . for so long, he’s been able to make me do whatever he wants. It’s like this sick game that he plays, and it makes me feel stupid and vulnerable and what if he’s let out that day?” I ask. “What then?”

  Sydney’s eyes are filled with concern but also determination. “Then we will all be around to make sure you’re safe. Not that you’ll have to worry because Connor will kill anyone who tries to hurt you or Hadley.”

  I look up, fear gripping me so tightly it hurts to breathe. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ll ruin someone else’s life because of the mess I’ve made.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ellie

  I walk through the grass, dew sticking to my legs as I move closer to my destination. I woke up early, and since Connor and Hadley were already out working on the barn, I thought it was time to come get some much-needed advice from the people I love the most.

  It’s been years since I’ve been here. Time that I’ve spent trying to piece my broken life together the best way I could. As the days passed, as time slipped away and my world became more complicated than I ever thought it would be, one thing has always remained steadfast. I love these people, and I know they loved me.

  I hold the bundle of white daisies that I picked up on my way, my hand shaking as I get closer. The smell of clean morning air swirls around me, hints of grass and a little bit of cow is inevitable.

  Still, I’m transported back to the day I buried them eight years ago.

  That day, I stood here alone and sad, feeling as though nothing would ever be the same. And it hasn’t been. The night they died forever altered my life.

  That person stole my family and future.

  Now, I’m going to get it back.

  Just a few more steps and I’ll be able to see the plaques where their names are etched. They’re small, simple, and mark the resting places of the two people who were most dear to me.

  I stop, my heart is racing as I stare down.

  The grass is overgrown to the point where I can barely make out the names, but there’s a bouquet of dried up flowers lying above them. “Hi, Mom,” I say as I squat, tearing the blades away to reveal what should’ve never been forgotten. “I know it’s been a while and . . . well . . . a lot has happened. I’m hoping you’re watching from above and know that you’re a grandma to a perfect girl. Her name is Hadley because—” I stop speaking as I trace the letters of my mother’s name, Hadley Joanne Cody. “I guess you can guess why. I needed you beside me still. She reminds me of you. She’s smart, funny, has the biggest smile. Dad would love her, too, she’s as curious and clever as he was. You would’ve loved her. You both would have. I’m not sure that you’d be so proud of me, though,” I confess. “You see, I ran away from all the things you taught me about family and respect. I think that’s why I stayed away from here for so long. I was sure you’d think I was foolish. My own heart was breaking because of the choices I made and coming here was the last place I could go, but I was stupid, Mom. You wouldn’t have judged me. You would’ve helped me.”

  My mother was the best person in this world. She loved with an intensity that rivaled anything else. I’ve tried so hard to be that way with Hadley. To love her like it was my last day. So many times, I feared it might really be, and I hoped that knowing the love I had for her was so strong that it would get her through.

  My own mother loved me that much.

  And I still didn’t do right by her.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong like you.” I look over at the gravesite where my father rests. “I’m sorry I didn’t find a man like you, Daddy.”

  A tear falls down my cheek. “I’m sorry that I was afraid and wanted to believe I could change someone. I’m sorry that I let the person who took you away go free. I don’t know who was driving that car, but I want you to know that I’ve never forgotten.”

  For a while, I had hope. But when the police said they had no information or any reports of damage matching the accident, the case went cold.

  As did my heart.

  “I have so much to tell you.” My voice shakes. “A confession of sorts to the people who raised me to do better. I married Kevin, even after I told you I didn’t think I would. I thought he would be like you hoped, but he wasn’t. I think I knew, even in college, that there was something dark inside him. Now, I’m . . . well . . . I’m making changes. Ones that you would be proud of.”

  I try to think about what I would say if Hadley were in my situation. I know my mother would place her hand on mine and give it a squeeze. She would tell me that I’m smart and that I know what I need to do, just to get on and do it now.

  “I filed for divorce from Kevin after he . . .” My voice trembles as a tear forms. “He hit me. He would’ve killed me, and well, he didn’t because of Connor. I told you about him the last time I was here, only I didn’t know his name. I bet you probably thought I would marry him since I went on and on about him. Then there’s the possibility that he might be Hadley’s father, which is a whole other thing.”

  After I left Connor that night, I came here. I laid my soul bare to my parents, knowing I could never tell another soul about what I felt. I was ashamed but also filled with hope. I told them about how he held me, cared for me, and how I was going to be okay now.

  “He’s back, and I don’t know what any of it means, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to be near him. I find myself dreaming of him during the day and then restless at night, thinking about kissing him again. I worry that it’s too soon to be feeling these feelings.” My hand moves against the cool metal, and I wonder if I’m being crazy. Connor and I haven’t known each other long, and yet, it’s as though no one else in the world has ever known me better. He’s been patient, caring, and kind. I know he wants me—I can see it in his eyes, but he fights it.

  We both do.

  “I care about him, Mom. I know he cares about me, but what if I’m wrong about him? What if he doesn’t want us if Hadley isn’t his? What if he finds
out that Hadley is his and does want a family but I’m too broken? It’s too much, and I’m scared. God, I’m so scared to make the same mistakes, but . . . I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to resist him. And that’s what scares me the most. If only you were here to tell me what to do, Mom.”

  “Are you avoiding me?” Connor’s deep voice causes me to startle as I stand facing the moon.

  Once I get my heart to stop racing, I shake my head. “Not any more than you’re avoiding me.”

  Hadley went to bed two hours ago, and I worked on papers while Connor was out doing something on the farm. We’ve seen each other in passing since the kiss last night, but it’s been as though we’re orbiting each other, not quite able to stop the spinning. I’ve wanted to talk to him, but we haven’t had time or Hadley has been around.

  I was hoping he’d find me out here so we could figure out whatever is going on between us.

  “Ahh, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not doing anything like that, Angel. I’m just working and trying to get this damn barn fixed up so we can move the cows, which your foreman said I needed to do by the end of the week.”

  The wind blows, pushing my hair in front of my face, and I pull the blanket that’s wrapped around my shoulders a little tighter. Snow will be here soon, and it makes sense to move the cattle to the closer pasture.

  “How did you grow up on a dairy farm and not retain any information about running it?”

  Connor shrugs with that swagger I’ve come to look for. “I had no intention of ever living on or running one, so it wasn’t information I cared about.”

  I guess that makes sense. “Will you tell me about your childhood?”

  “There’s not much to it.”

  My head tilts to the side. I don’t believe that for a minute. “You grew up here with three older brothers. There had to be something you can tell me about.”

  He moves closer, his eyes looking out at the fields in front of us. “Do you see that tree out there?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s where my brother convinced me that I was a descendant of Superman and that flying was in my blood. He also told me that he had a vial of kryptonite, and if I didn’t take my chances on the flying thing, I would die.”

  I laugh once and cover my mouth with the blanket. “And did you fly?”

  He huffs. “No, and I broke my nose and two ribs. But”—Connor’s grin grows—“the whooping that Sean got for making me do it was almost worth it. I swear that he couldn’t sit for three days.”

  “Boys,” I say with a huff.

  “You have no idea. We were the town hell raisers. My mother would walk around apologizing and swearing she raised us to do better. But four boys with a lot of time on their hands and wild imaginations were a mixture she couldn’t contain.”

  I love hearing these kinds of stories about him. “I wished I had siblings.”

  “I wished I didn’t.”

  “You would’ve been very lonely on this vast farm with no one to get in trouble with.”

  Connor tilts his head to the side. “Maybe you’re right. When my brothers left, it was hard on me. I was stuck here—alone—and I hated it. Although, if Mom had been alive, maybe it wouldn’t have been that way.”

  “How did she die?” I ask and immediately wish I could take it back.

  I remember the pain in Connor’s eyes when he spoke of his mother, and I know my own when I think of mine. It’s hard to lose a parent. They created you, molded you into the person you are, and when they aren’t there any longer, it’s as though a piece of your whole existence is gone. I’ve grappled with losing both of mine in an instant. There was no goodbye or chance to say things we needed to. I have no closure, and I hope that Connor did get some, no matter how much it probably isn’t a comfort.

  “Cancer. It was fast and it was fierce. We found out, and then it feels like I blinked and she was gone. My brothers and I were . . . a fucking mess, but my father, well,” his voice is soft and filled with pain, “we buried him alongside her that day only his body didn’t go into the hole. He was never the same, and neither was the life we thought we had.”

  I reach out, taking his hand in mine. “I don’t know that any of us get back to the life we thought we had after tragedy strikes. Someone or something rips it away, and we’re left drifting.”

  His eyes watch mine with an intensity that makes my stomach clench. “Are you still drifting, Ellie?”

  I shake my head. “No, I don’t think I am.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you won’t let me.”

  He lifts his hand, cupping my cheek as he stares down at me. “Will you let me kiss you again?”

  I’ve both wanted and avoided this moment. Equal parts of me being torn apart by desire and fear. I want to kiss him again, to feel his lips on mine and give myself over to the moment. Then I worry that, if I were to let myself hope for more and I lose him, it will break me even more than I already have been broken.

  But my resolve is not that strong.

  Resisting him is futile, and I’m only lying to myself when I say I want to resist. There’s nothing I want more than to be his.

  So, I push my fear to the bottom and ask the only question left that matters. “Will you hurt me, Connor?”

  “Never.”

  And I believe him.

  “Then, yes, I’ll let you kiss me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Connor

  I wait just a beat in case she changes her mind. The first kiss was everything, but fear had me holding back, the grip I had on my restraint unyielding. This time, I don’t think I can hold back.

  But I’ll try.

  She’s everything I want and need, and she’s here. I want to pull her into my arms, kiss her until she forgets every bad thing that’s ever happened to her, and give her new memories filled with all the things she should’ve had.

  I want it all, and I want it with her.

  Slowly, I bring my other hand up and frame her face in my hands. The bruises that marred her skin a month ago are gone, leaving only her gorgeous blue eyes, which have no hint of fear in them. Each day, she heals a little more, and each day, I hope I show her the man I am.

  I won’t hurt her. I won’t ever take what she isn’t willing to give. I will only cherish her because she’s a fucking angel.

  Our lips move closer together, each breath given over to the moment. I feel the warmth of her body as she leans in.

  “You’re everything I remembered and nothing I was prepared for,” I say right before I kiss her.

  At first, I go slow, just letting our lips touch and not wanting to scare her with the insane desire I feel for her. I keep myself in check, using every ounce of training I’ve endured. Patience is what she needs, and it’s the last thing I feel when I’m this close to her.

  Her hands slide up my back, causing the blanket to fall from her shoulders. And then I kiss her like I’ve wanted to. My tongue slides against hers, and the taste of her is enough to make me want to fucking die.

  This is heaven.

  This is why she’s an angel sent down to me.

  Everything about her is perfect.

  I moan, unable to stop myself as I kiss Ellie the way I’ve dreamed of for so long. Our tongues move together as I drink her in. She has no idea what she does to me, and in some ways, I hope she never does.

  Ellie consumes my thoughts and dreams. Just a smile can set my entire world ablaze. I’m so far gone, and I don’t even know how it happened. One minute I was here, in this fucking town I hate and surrounded by ghosts, and the next, I was never wanting to leave my house because she and Hadley were there.

  She pulls back, resting her forehead to mine. “When you kiss me like this, I can’t think.”

  “I don’t want you to think, I want you to feel.”

  Her blue eyes lift to mine, and her vulnerability humbles me. “That has always been my downfall. If I used my head more, I never would have gotten into
the position I’m in.”

  Ellie steps back, and I let her go even though I want to hold her against me. She and I both have demons, and when they’re awoken, I know how hard it is to silence them again.

  “I don’t want to take away your choices.”

  She turns quickly. “I don’t think you do. I can’t make the same mistakes again, Connor. I jumped feet first into a relationship with a man who I knew wasn’t right for me. I let him . . . hurt me. I gave him power over me in a way that I never should’ve. He broke things inside me, trust that I don’t know can be repaired. I will never be whole or the woman who isn’t a little damaged.”

  I move toward her, unable to stay back, but I restrain myself from touching her. “I don’t care if there are pieces of you that are damaged. I don’t care if every inch of you is scarred. Believe me, there are parts of me that are so fucking mangled it would take a miracle to straighten them. It’s not about perfection or being whole—it’s you being you.”

  Ellie looks away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You say these things, and I have to stop myself from falling.”

  “If you fall, I’ll catch you.”

  “What if I take you down with me?”

  “I’ll shelter you so you don’t get injured.”

  “And if you’re hurt in the process?” Ellie’s voice is barely a whisper.

  “I can handle it.” I inch closer, my hand lifting and tucking the other side of her hair behind her ears. “What I can’t handle is causing you or Hadley pain. I want to make you happy, Angel, not make you cry.”

  Her fingers wrap around my wrist as my palm moves to cradle her jaw. But she doesn’t tug my touch away. “It’s just that when you kiss me, I forget myself. I can’t let that happen.”

  I rest my lips against her forehead, trying to think of what to say to assure her. I don’t want her to forget herself, only the things around her. I want to give her power and freedom.