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  “Everyone heard,” I finish.

  He nods. “I’m sorry.”

  Jackson is a great man, even if he did make my best friend move across the damn country to California. She’s happy. She loves him. And he adores her more than what should be humanly possible. As much as our friendships have changed, it doesn’t matter the miles that separate us, our hearts are still close.

  Although, I’m not quite sure I’ll have a heart after this.

  For an hour I stood here, waiting, thinking he was going to show up and it would be fine. For two months I’ve been waiting for today. For years I’ve had to hide the fact that as a senior associate I’ve been in a secret relationship with my boss. He was the one who said he wanted to marry me and be a real couple after our last fight.

  Turns out he only wanted to shut me up.

  My breathing starts to accelerate and I feel like the dress is trying to strangle me.

  “It’ll be okay.” Catherine rubs my back. “You’re going to be fine, just take a deep breath.”

  “I lost my fiancé and quit my job, I’m…I’m so screwed.”

  Ashton nods. “You are totally screwed, but you’ll be okay.”

  Leave it to her to be an asshole. My eyes turn to her and I glower. “You need to work on your sympathy, Ash. I’m a lawyer and even I felt that.”

  “Yes, but you’re a lawyer with a heart. Also, look who isn’t hyperventilating anymore.”

  I flip her off.

  “Ignore her,” Catherine cuts in and then slaps Ashton’s shoulder. “We’ll handle everything. Jackson, please get her out the back. I’ll take care of the guests.”

  Jackson wraps his jacket around my shoulders and tucks me into his side.

  “I’m sorry, Gretchen, he’s an idiot. I’m happy to beat the shit out of him if it would make you feel better.”

  I smile at his offer. “Thanks, but I’ll pass for now.”

  We get to the car without anyone seeing me. Jackson tucks me into the back, kisses my cheek, and then heads in to help his wife deal with my family, who I can only imagine are losing their minds. They start to pour out, and I sit here with tears streaming, grateful the limo has blacked-out windows, that way, no one can see me fall apart. Mortified and husbandless.

  Chapter Two

  Gretchen

  Unemployment doesn’t suit me.

  At all.

  And it’s only been seven days.

  I got a call from Harold yesterday, telling me that he understood my reasons, but if I wanted to reconsider, I was welcome to come back. I told him to fuck off and lose my number.

  Then he asked where my notes were.

  I sent a photo of the ashes in my fireplace.

  “I’m going to head back to California soon,” Catherine says as she organizes the wedding present pile. She opened them all, cataloged them, and has offered to handle getting them sent back.

  I think the least I should get is the airfryer, but she says no.

  “Well, I’m now the proud recipient of two round-trip tickets to anywhere and a stay at one of their hotels. Once I’m homeless, I can fly out to you and live on your couch.”

  She looks up and rolls her eyes. “You’re not going to be homeless, Gretch. You’re far too organized for that. We all know you have a year’s worth of income in reserve, plus it’s not like you can’t get another job.”

  I release a heavy sigh. “Not the point.”

  “No, that’s exactly the point,” Ashton, who refuses to leave, says as she enters the room with a bowl of popcorn. “You don’t have to work. You can take some time, find the right firm, travel, send body parts in boxes to Harold for fun, do whatever you want.”

  “Body parts?”

  She shrugs. “We’re from Jersey…we know people.”

  I laugh. “I’ll have you know that our families work in legitimate waste management companies.”

  Ashton smirks. “That’s what they want us to think.”

  “My mother is so upset, she can’t even eat,” I say.

  Ashton snorts. “I can’t believe she didn’t force Harold down the aisle claiming he ruined her daughter.”

  My mother is a nutjob and still believed I was a virgin and needed advice for my marriage night. That was until my cousin spit her wine across the table and blurted out that I’ve been banging my boss for years.

  Mom has been unable to really speak to me since then. I’m going to hell and she can’t bear witness.

  “Well, don’t be surprised when Harold goes missing because Uncle Salvatore is adding his house to his route. God only knows what that means.”

  I burst out laughing, imagining Ashton’s uncle doing just that. He was very vocal after the what-should’ve-been-wedding how no one hurts his familia.

  Jackson clears his throat. “And they say Navy SEALs are scary.”

  She pops a kernel in her mouth and raises a brow. “They’ve got nothing on Jersey girls.”

  “Speaking of Navy SEALs,” I start. “Have you heard from Quinn?”

  Now it’s her turn to look uncomfortable. “No. When he’s gearing up to deploy, I never do.”

  “We all deal with them differently—” Jackson starts to say but Catherine places her hand on his arm.

  “Don’t you dare defend him. Her claws will come out and we’ll have to surgically remove them from your chest,” Cat warns.

  Ashton has been dating Quinn for over a year, if you can call it that. I don’t even know what they’re doing, but once again, she’s pissed at him. I think of her like a feral cat. She looks cute from a distance but when you get close—she bites.

  “My point is”–Ashton speaks as though none of that just happened—“that you can do whatever the hell you want. You don’t have to stay here and look for a job. Maybe getting away would be good. You know, cleanse the soul and also have an alibi when he turns up in the Hudson.”

  “That would be great if I didn’t sell my condo and again—homeless.”

  We were supposed to move into Harold’s place in a month. My condo is—was—the best location and I loved it here. Now, I have nothing.

  “You’re more than welcome in California.”

  As much as I would love to spend time with Catherine and Jackson, I need to work. I can’t be lying around on their couch, plus, they’ve only been married about six months. The last thing I really want to do is listen to them all sweet and honeymoon-like every night.

  I was supposed to be on my honeymoon.

  Instead, I cashed that shit in before he could and I got airline tickets and a hotel for down the line.

  He left me at the altar, least I can get is a trip.

  “I appreciate that, I really do, but I’m already freaking behind because of him.” I release a groan that almost sounds like a cry. “I’m never going to have kids now and I can forget my career goals! I need to find a new job. My life list requires that I don’t have a lot of time to lose.”

  I’ve been a workaholic my entire life, I can’t imagine having an extended time off.

  “Oh here we fucking go,” Ashton mutters while rolling her eyes.

  “What?”

  “The life list. Number one, be married and have the perfect life. Number two, stab Gretchen in the eye with her stupid list. Number three, burn the list and remind Gretchen that living isn’t a science.”

  “Ash.” Catherine tries to mollify her. “You and I think the list is…extreme, but Gretchen likes it.”

  “Yes. I do. I need lists to keep things in order. Besides, my mother always said a dream isn’t a plan until it’s written down.”

  There’s nothing wrong with keeping things in order. I feel like having a life list has ensured that most of my plans, though not all, have worked out the way they should.

  Sure, all the things that I believed I could check off on my list have now gone to shit, but at one point, they almost came true.

  “Oh God!” I say with tears in my eyes.

  “What?” Catherine rushes ove
r. “Are you okay?”

  I look at my best friend and shake my head. “He ruined everything! My entire life list is now gone! None of it is even possible. There’s no way I’ll even have kid number one by the time number two was due!”

  I had a great job, that’s gone. I was getting married, that’s not happening. I was in my dream condo, which I can’t afford to keep now even if I did pull the sale. Everything all because of stupid Harold.

  “Then it’s time for a new list.” Cat takes my hand. “Life is about adapting and now it’s time to do that.”

  “I hate him.”

  “As you should,” she agrees.

  Ashton sighs. “Body parts in a box anyone?”

  I let out a giggle and wipe the tears. I have the best friends. Catherine cancelled her trip back to California to see me through this. Ashton called out of work, and Jackson has...well, offered his services. I know it all feels so bleak right now, but with them on my side, I’ll be okay.

  “My offer still stands to break his kneecaps,” Jackson attempts again.

  “Now that I may change my mind about.”

  He laughs. “I do have another option if you’re open to hearing me out.”

  “Really?”

  Now I’m intrigued.

  He nods. “First, how do you feel about moving to Virginia Beach?”

  * * * *

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving me, too!” Ashton bitches as she helps me pack another box. “First Cat, now you?”

  I can’t believe I’m moving either. I never imagined I would be going to work for Jackson. I’m not exactly an expert on anything military, but he swears there’s a case that he could really use my help with.

  I’m pretty sure it’s a pity position, but right now, I’ll take it.

  Not only do I get to get the hell out of here, but I’ll be surrounded by hot guys with guns. This might just be the best job ever.

  “You spend half your time in Virginia Beach when Quinn is around,” I counter.

  “Yeah, but he’s gone and I spend that time with you.”

  “I’ll miss you too, Ash, but I need this.”

  She shrugs. “I know. Doesn’t mean I won’t miss you. And since you said yes to the job offer you seem...lighter.”

  I feel lighter. It’s been almost as if just making the decision took some of the weight off. The part that isn’t fun is leaving Ashton. We’ve been the two of us since Cat left for California a few years ago. I’m going to miss her.

  I pull my tough exterior, mush on the inside friend into my arms. I am sad to be leaving. I love where I live, the food, my family and friends. But I can’t stay. Everything right now reminds me of Harold and that’s when the light feeling I’m enjoying starts to crash.

  “Maybe you can come down there? There are IVF clinics that I’m sure would love to have you.”

  Ashton is what I call a miracle worker. Her success rate is impressive, and her humility about it even more so. She’s not exactly the humblest person regarding anything—except her job. To her, it’s not about the numbers, it’s about the parents who are trying so hard for their babies. Being an embryologist has been her true calling in life.

  Sometimes I’m reminded that her black heart isn’t really so black.

  “I won’t go anywhere near Virginia Beach until Quinn Miller gets his stupid, thick, ridiculous head out of his ass. I’m not giving him the slightest hope that we’ll get back together.”

  “Yeah. Okay.”

  “What?” she scoffs.

  I know she wants to talk a good game, but she loves him. Always has—since she met him—and always will.

  “Nothing. I just think you and Quinn complement each other.”

  “By both being stubborn?”

  “Pretty much. You both love each other, no matter what you’re hellbent on showing.”

  “I don’t love him. I don’t even like him. I want a future, a life, a family and he wants...who the fuck knows!”

  If she didn’t care, none of this would bother her, but I won’t point that out because I’d like our goodbye not to be her hating me.

  “Well, I get it. Also, I’m probably the last person who should be giving love advice.”

  “Love is for suckers.”

  I laugh. “Love can suck it.”

  “Love is a dumb bitch.”

  “Love is a lying whore.”

  Ashton nods. “Love is pathetic and mean.”

  “Love really hurts when you lose it.”

  Her phone starts to buzz, but she ignores it, caught up in our declarations of what love can do.

  “Love can go right to hell with the dumb men who hurt women like us.”

  “You going to grab that?” I ask as the vibrating sound starts up again.

  Ashton grabs her phone and plops on the couch. “Hey, Cat.” She uses the excuse to stop packing, which really wasn’t happening anyway, but now it’s definitely not. “I’m at Gretchen’s. Yeah, she’s here, I mean, I’m not here alone.” She pauses and then sighs. “I’m helping.”

  “Helping,” I snort. She’s done barely anything.

  “Yes, Mom. I’ll give her the phone. Here.” Ashton hands me the phone.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “So,” Catherine says with a hint of excitement in her voice. “I’m here at the office with Jackson, checking on things before we fly out.”

  “Right.”

  “Gretch, do you remember Benjamin Pryce?”

  Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in forever.

  A shiver runs down my spine as a perfect image of his face comes to mind.

  “Gretchen?” Catherine calls my name when I don’t say anything.

  “Yeah, of course. I don’t think I ever could forget him. He was my first kiss.”

  And my first love.

  Every woman knows, and remembers, her first kiss. We were those friends who made a pact that by seventh grade, if we hadn’t been kissed, we’d kiss each other.

  Sure enough, my super nerd vibe wasn’t exactly bringing me a slew of boys that wanted to kiss me. So Ben did.

  It was sweet.

  And awkward.

  And braces were totally not sexy, but Ben was my friend and a nerd like me. He told me after that he watched a ton of movies to try to get it right. I smiled, loving that he cared. It was that moment that I realized just how much I loved him.

  “He was your first kiss? How did I not know that?”

  “No idea. Anyway, I haven’t forgotten him, why are you asking?”

  “So, I was taking a call, not paying attention, and this guy walks into Jackson’s office...I knew I recognized him, but I couldn’t place it. Then he remembered me. But my point is, dude, Ben has really grown up.”

  “Wait, he’s there?” I ask. “At Cole Securities?”

  “Yup, yup he is.” Catherine’s voice drops. “He has...umm...transformed. He’s very different than what you remember.”

  I shake my head. “Okay? What does that even mean?”

  “I’m just saying, you have a friend here! One who specifically asked about you too.”

  He asked about me? That seems so weird. I haven’t heard from him since he left after I told him I was in love with him. He promised to stay in touch, and then he was gone. I figured he just forgot about me or at least wanted to forget, which is why he disappeared. He was the first boy I ever loved and it broke my heart when I never heard from him again.

  “Okay, but...it’s not like that. We’re not friends anymore. Once upon a million years ago we were...”

  “No, but there’s nothing saying old flames can’t be rekindled! Just wear something cute. Trust me. That pink dress or even the blue.” There’s a weird tone she’s using. I don’t like it.

  “Catherine?”

  “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get here! Love you!”

  I look down at the phone and then back to Ashton. “Well, that was weird.”

  She laughs. “Catherine is wei
rd. What did she say?”

  “Apparently Ben, from middle school, is working for Jackson.”

  Ashton purses her lips and taps her nails on the arm of the chair. “Ben?”

  “The guy I was friends with who moved away in high school...the one I told you about that I really liked and kept waiting to call me.”

  “Not ringing any bells.”

  She wouldn’t remember him anyway, he definitely wasn’t running in her crowd.

  Ben was bullied, and his parents moved after it got really bad. But that isn’t what has my heart pounding right now. I loved Ben. I really loved him and it took me almost all of high school to get over him. I waited for his letters, for him to come back to me like he promised. I thought if I loved him so much, that he could feel it wherever he was.

  I was stupid.

  I’ve always wondered if he was okay...I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

  Chapter Three

  Gretchen

  “Natalie!” I smile with my arms open as I walk toward her.

  I love this girl. She’s funny, smart, sweet as can be, and despite having a shit sandwich handed to her, she smiles a lot. Then again, if I got to look at her husband all day, I’d smile too.

  “Ahh!” She squeals as she gets out of her chair. “I heard you were coming to join this...group of idiots. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too, I needed it. How are you? How is Liam and the kids?”

  “They’re good, you’ll have to come by and see them.”

  “Once I get settled, I’d love that. For now, I’m just trying to get a hold on my life and new job here.”

  She touches my arm. “We’re happy to have you. Mark needs all the help he can get. Plus, another girl in the office of testosterone will be much welcomed.”

  “How is our favorite minister?”

  Mark Dixon is one of the best people on the planet and got himself ordained over the internet. He continues to claim he’s a man of the cloth and we go with it because it’s easier. He’s insane. Basically, he’s the penis-attached version of Ashton. They’re both sarcastic and he’ll keep me feeling like I’m home.